Is it possible to have too much of a good thing? That’s the question – but it’s one most guys keep quiet about when discussing the subject of threesomes with their mates. The official story is that everybody wants to try it. Some will claim to have done so already. In a few cases, it’ll be true. But the fact is that many men, while they enjoy fantasizing about threesomes, aren’t at all sure how they’d feel about them in reality. It’s one thing to get off on the idea of sex with two fantasy women, but quite another to get into that sort of situation with two people – people who’ll have ideas of their own.
Despite this uncertainty, which many men feel, threesomes do happen, and they don’t just happen to the sort of men who boast about them and who seem to base their lives around their sexual exploits/ All around the world, ordinary guys enjoy these opportunities in all sorts of different circumstances. If you’re feeling brave enough to try and make your fantasy come true, what do you need to do to join them?
Asking your Girlfriend
You might expect that your girlfriend would run a mile if you suggested a threesome. You might be right. But you’ll never know until you try, and there are ways to approach it which can provide you with an exit strategy if things go horribly wrong.
One of the most erotic things couples can do together is sharing fantasies. When you’re in the mood, snuggling up together in bed, or when you’re passing the time at a boring social function with nowhere to escape to in order to act on your feelings, whispered interchanges can turn up the heat. Be ready to be surprised – you can’t afford to disapprove of anything your girlfriend suggests if you’re about to make a potentially explosive confession to her – but bear in mind, also, that she may be shy and uncertain what to say, and may need a bit of nudging along before she’s prepared to admit what she thinks. When you talk about your fantasies, keep the focus on her so as to build her confidence. Make sure she feels special.
The next stage of discussion is to ask your girlfriend if she fancies other people. Make it clear that you’re not jealous and be good humored about it. Humor is the key, so that you can always make it seem as if you were just teasing if things go too far. If necessary, take a few days or even weeks and discuss these things on repeated occasions until she feels comfortable with it. If she admits to being attracted to other men, see if she’s willing to admit to a threesome fantasy. If it’s a big thing for her, and if you think you could cope with seeing her with another man, you could consider making it come true. Many straight men participate in threesomes of this kind. Some enjoy watching their girlfriends in that situation.
If your girlfriend admits to an attraction to women, or to curiosity about sleeping with women, things are looking up – but don’t move too fast. She may well be offended if you automatically assume this means she’d be up for a threesome. A good way to progress is to start discussing what it is about particular women that appeals to each of you. You can take this further and start looking at women when you’re out together in bars and nightclubs. It’s a short step from there to learning to flirt together.
If your girlfriend is completely straight, don’t give up hope. She may still be interested in a threesome. She may like the idea of pleasing you, or of doing something daring. Since women are brought up to feel awkward about their sexuality they tend to suppress desires of this kind and they may feel like bad people for experiencing them, but that doesn’t mean those desires aren’t there. In fact, you’d be surprised how many women are up for it, given the right circumstances. As with any sexual situation, the trick is to make them feel special, to build their confidence and to encourage them to feel good about expressing themselves.
Finding Another Woman
If your girlfriend agrees to a threesome, you may feel as if you’ve got the whole world at your feet, only to run into a blank when it comes to finding another woman. Some threesomes happen spontaneously – when, for instance, one of your girlfriend’s friends takes an interest in you – but if you’re not that lucky, how do you find a third party to help you fulfil your fantasy? Furthermore, how do you find the right third party – someone sufficiently attractive whom both you and your girlfriend will feel comfortable with?
In this situation, many couples turn to personals columns. If you do this, beware: there are far more single men and couples looking for these opportunities than there are women, and some of the women who do advertise in these columns are in fact prostitutes who’ll wait until the last minute before demanding fees. There’s also a risk of blackmail (if this does happen to you, remember, you can often defuse the situation by being open about things right away). Of course, there’s nothing wrong with using the services of a trustworthy prostitute if you’re sure there’s no disease risk, but this isn’t what most men with threesome fantasies really want. Part of the fantasy involves seeing two women enjoying themselves and it’s not the same if one of them is just pretending to do so for money.
Ultimately, the best way to find another woman is to go out and look for one the same way you’d look for any other prospective sexual partner. Be sociable as a couple. Get used to letting each other know when you find somebody interesting. Be flirtatious and don’t be afraid to drop hints about what you’re looking for. So long as you’re prepared to back off if women become uncomfortable, there’s no harm done. You may find that your girlfriend’s experiences as a woman give her more insight into these things than you have. Let her take the lead. Doing these things as a couple may bring the two of you closer together, all the more important if you’re heading into a situation where jealousies and insecurities can be aroused. You may also find that they lead to you having a lot of great sex in the meantime.
Three in a Bed
When you finally find the right person and you’re all ready to go, what then? Sitting around talking about it is all very well, but how do you turn it into something physical? The first thing to do is to create a relaxing environment, for yourself as much as anybody else. Lower the lights, put on the right music, have a few drinks, and start your physical contact with hugs, stroking and other behavior which can proceed as slowly as required. Only let things go further when you’re sure everyone is ready for it. It’s possible that your first attempt at a threesome won’t work out, that someone will get nervous and it’ll have to be called off. Don’t worry – be supportive, and it may well work out on the second attempt. If nothing else, you’ll have learned valuable things about how to negotiate.
When you do get into bed, follow your instincts. Don’t try to balance out exactly the same type and quantity of attention to each woman – that’ll only feel artificial and awkward to everyone. Just make sure that neither of them has reason to feel ignored. On the other hand, be careful to control your own emotions – if the women are interested in each other, you may have to put up with being ignored a little more than you’d like. Be patient and enjoy watching. You shouldn’t need to be the center of attention to have a good time in a situation you’re fantasized about for so long.
Remember that, although you’re sleeping with both of them at once, the women you’re with will have different needs and desires, different ways of approaching sex. Encourage them to let you know how you can please them and they’ll be far more willing to go along with what pleases you.
When you’re all hyped-up and excited about a situation, things can, of course, still go wrong. Bodies don’t always co-operate. Threesomes can be particularly hazardous in this regard – if nothing else, you can find yourself warn out trying to satisfy two women – but they also have an advantage, in that the other two people can entertain each other if you need to back off for a bit, even if they’re only doing so by talking. Don’t exhaust yourself by trying to do everything at once. Relax and enjoy the situation. After all, if it works out for everyone, there’s no reason why there shouldn’t be other such opportunities in the future.
In the Aftermath
When the sex is over and you step out of that strange little bubble world in which fantasies can become real, it’s important to restore normality and make sure that everybody feels okay. That includes yourself. A threesome may show you a side to your girlfriend which you hadn’t known was there before, and you’ll need to adjust to that. It may have changed the way you feel about your own sexual desires, or it may have left you uncertain how to relate to the other woman. All these things need to be talked about. If there’s a possibility of the threesome happening again, it’s especially important to do the talking early on rather than letting any problems become compounded.
The most important thing for you to do after a threesome is to spend time with your girlfriend so that the two of you can renew and strengthen your bonds as a couple. Whether or not you decide to do this again in the future, it’s bound to change the way you relate to each other. Understanding that fantasies can become real can have profound effects on how you feel about life in general. Try to make room in your life for these changes, but don’t stop looking at pretty girls – after all, you never know what might happen in the future.